Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
