last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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