It was confusing and full of hummus
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
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You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
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I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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