i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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