This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
