Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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