Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
All I want is dick and wine.
Randomize
