is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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