There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
