I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Randomize
