His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
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