drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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