I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
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