Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Randomize
