how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
