I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Randomize
