A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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