Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
She announced her abortion via fbk
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
