you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
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