alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
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You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
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