remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
