Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
