Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Randomize
