she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
