I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Randomize
