how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
