I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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