The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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