i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize