im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
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Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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