Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
