Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize