weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
