i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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