Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
