like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
