I'm really into asian looking animals
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
