I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
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