So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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