Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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