all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
