apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Randomize
