You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Randomize
