My underwear smells like fireworks.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
