Pants 0. Shit 1.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
