we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
