My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
we're making bets on your personal life
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Randomize
