i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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