I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
My ATM looks so different sober.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
