Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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