I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
