Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
