i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Randomize
