so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
wanna go halves on a baby?
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
