I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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