I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
