OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
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Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
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My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church