I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom