you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.