Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
New York to be Host to Americaâ€™s Biggest Singles Event
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Kylie Jenner Wasnâ€™t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop