Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
