Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I could fuck to npr.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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