So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
