We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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