He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Randomize
