I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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